Today marks the start of Baby Loss Awareness week. A time when most people will flip past the stories being shared by parents who have lost a baby because its too painful or upsetting. But it is so important to those who have lost a baby to be able to talk about it and tell the world about their story.
My own world changed in February 2001, there is the Kelly before and the Kelly after. I didn’t have anyone to talk to properly about the loss and I my mind tried to keep me safe by giving me a mild case of agoraphobia. Everyone I talked to at the time was trying to be helpful and they would say it is okay you can try again. It made me so hurt and cross that simple flippant statement.
I have never been so excited and happy for something in my whole life. I was going to be a Mum. Growing up everyone asks what you want to be, my answer was always the same “a Mum”. The feelings of not not being enough or not good enough haunt you on the daily. You can’t help but think, why me?
The pain does not go away and I think of my Macauley most days. But it is more a haunting pain of all the things we missed together. I know one day Macauley will have his Mum with him again and I will hold on so tight to my wee bundle.
Fast forward eighteen years and now thankfully there are people who are there to help give you the support and tools in this sad situation.
If you are struggling or know someone who is, please get in touch with https://www.miscarriageassociation.org.uk/get-involved/raising-awareness/babyloss-awareness-week. They will help you through this horrific time and they deal with all the different varieties of loss.
Thanks for listening.